Hi Button: I have made a new guestbook as the old one from Bravenet would put tracking software on everyone's computer and I just do not like that. I have made a special cloud just for the old comments so anyone can view them. I do dearly miss having you here near me. I know Eddie is still deeply hurt by your passing over - I pray that he will come to terms with your passing - though it is very very hard to do. I hope others who visit you realize just how deadly Anorexia Bulimia is and do not let it kill them as it killed you. Love and Miss You So Much - Dad
This Lady Georgia Has done a Fantastic Job, putting together this site. It just may be the answer to someone's prayers. Congratulations! Your Friend, B.J. McDowell
Love from Lisa, Belfast n-Ireland
Hi - this is a very beautiful but very sad and emotional site 4 me - upset and crying for all of you and your precious daughter. I am going to try and seek help on Monday the 4th august 2003 but at the same time I don't even want to breath anymore. I love your site and read it all the time God bless you all Lots of prays and hugs Dania
I think it is wonderful, I hope it helps a lot of girls understand that it can kill you. I most be one of the lucky ones, I had anorexia and bulimia from the age of 13 years old I am now 23 you seem to go round in circles. I am so glad she as wonderful parents. now I have a wonderful 1 year old boy who I call my little miracle.
Shanda- thank you. that's all I can say.....thank you
Hi Button: I hope the new beginning cloud does not stop people from viewing your whole site. I just want to let them know that this is not a pro-anorexia / bulimia site. I lost you - I just do not want others to make the same mistake thinking they have control over eating disorders when eating disorders control them - then kill them. Love & Miss You Deeply, Dad
Hello!!! My name is Svenja, I am 24 years old and I live in Germany. I got Anorexia Nervosa when I was 17 - since then I fight against it as good as I am able to do it. I was deeply impressed by this side and linked it on my homepage (second link side): www.McBealAlly.de (it is German. It is called so, because I study to became a lawyer..). I am also impressed by the love of this family, because I got the feeling, that I lost the love of mine, the moment they noticed my illness. That hurts. I will visit this website regularly and I am sorry for what has happened to your daughter. Sorry for my bad English. Yours, Svenja
This website is really touching! thank you !!!!!
Hello. I recently found this site after looking for pro-anorexia sites. I'm not anorexic myself but am interested in the topic for research purposes. This website is truly touching. You have boldly shared your pain in an effort to help others. I would like to dedicate my life to helping those with eating disorders just as you have. By that, I will be applying to a Grad program in the Fall that is focused on such issues. Shanda's life was taken much too soon. Her spirit will live on though, in all of the individuals she (and you) has helped. Thank You, Amy; Buffalo, NY
Hi Button: I hope more people come to see you so they learn how deadly Anorexia / Bulimia is and use your Help Cloud to get help. Love & Miss You Dearly, Dad
Hi, my name is Alli, and I just wanted to say that i am terribly sorry for your loss. I, myself was considering doing something drastic to my body, just so I could make myself happier. The problem was that I originally weighed 125, so there was no reason to turn to such a drastic makeover. Well that was 5 years ago, and I have no ever thought of doing that again. It was people like you, who save lives, by posting your stories on the net. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!!!!! if you would like to e-mail me please do so, at alliwally@hotmail.com .thanks
Hi, I entered your web site thinking that it would be just another sad story. But when i looked at the details i realized that it was much more than that. I look at the pictures thinking how grateful i am that i have not lost someone to this horrible eating disorder. I am truly sorry for your loss and i hope that you can find the power in God to move on. I read some of the passages that you have written about your daughter and i cried. I was deeply touched on all of the comments that you had to say I hope that one day this deadly eating disorder gets put to rest; and i think that it will be from people like you. Thank you so much for posting this site and getting your story out to the public. Sincerely, Alli!
I just wanted to say that having a tough time with my ed at present- reading this made me feel so selfish have a great family and a lovely little boy- and I AM SO SORRY FOR YOU LOSS- YOU HAVE TRULY HELPED ME, HEAPS OF LOVE#XXX
Thank You so much for your time and effort in making this wonderful site. it has moved me in so many ways unimaginable. i am truly sorry for your loss...
I am 12 yrs old from the UK and even though I live far away, your web site has truly touched me and will hopefully have the same effect on every who visits. God Bless Hannah xx fortunehannah@aol.com
Hi Shanda: Just stopping in to say Hi and I Miss & Love You - Dad
I thought your web site was truly touching. It really made me stop and think how important it is to tell your loved ones you love them, and never take advantage of any day you have to share with them! Thank you! My thoughts will always be floating on one of your clouds~ Tracy Violette Acworth,Georgia
Hi, I am trying to reach out to males who are suffering from anorexia nervosa that are living in Canada. I would like to do a story of the males point of view. I was very touched by your web page and thought this is a page where people can come to share and learn. I can be reached at maleanorexia@hotmail.com
Hello! You give me faith. I want to be well, but I can't... I try so hard, but I don't know how.. But keep up, I believe in you! Love Rebecca
Hi! It's Barb. I was here on 10Jan03. Unfortunately, While I did well at Remuda Ranch, things fell apart when I got back. A friend of mine from Remuda, Laura, killed herself in March because her anorexia got to bad to take. She was a beautiful person-Just like Shanda. My 2 best girlfriends from "the Ranch" are also struggling. Because I'm a 117 lb 5.3 bulimic-since 1986!!!- I'm considered too healthy to require any "real" treatment- according to my insurance .Some of my anorexic friends are getting the same story. This evil disease controls everything about you. I'm 33 and don't know how to have fun anymore. This is a lovely site and my heart weeps for Shanda!! I'm ashamed because, I envy the ana's. I'm stuck being a chubby 117-120lb 5.3 exercise bulimic :,<(
A note to Barb; I do wish you would e-mail so that we can chat. I truly want to help you in anyway I am able to. Please e-mail me at: georgiashaffer@earthlink.net
I wish you Rainbows of Happiness, Georgia
I think your Website is great. I believe anyone who visits this site will leave it with thoughts of this horrific disease and a realization of the power it has on individuals. It is frustrating that all I can say is the predictable "Sorry for your loss", because we both know as nice as the thought behind it is , it really is a phrase that doesn't help the pain decrease at all. None the less, I feel that I have to acknowledge the empathy I have for your daughter, sister, and friend. I too have my own story , although I don't want to donate another terrible story. I will however say that I know from experience that anyone who struggles with this has issues they haven't dealt with that go far beyond just food. If any of you out there every want to talk to me without judgment feel free to contact me. My name is Natasha I have a yahoo messenger chat name is tassja2002 or my email address can also be used as a contact source. It is tassja2002@yahoo.ca Take Care , and I hope the spirit and love of Shanda live on amongst us all.
[Thank you for visiting Shanda's site and your kind words and willingness to help others. Georgia]
Hey! This site is terribly sad...as is her old site that told me to come here. But, it's also very truthful in many ways...because I have anorexia / bulimia and I hate it. and I am trying to stop. But yeah,.. this really opens my eyes.. [Thank you for visiting Shanda's site and your kind words, Georgia]
I truly love the site, its taught me a lot more in emotional ways, I am dearly sorry for your loss, love always Amanda, I pray for you and your family.
[Thank you for visiting Shanda's site and your kind words, Georgia]
I am not anorexic but I just saw a movie on the eating disorder. I wanted to look up on the disorder. I hope the family of Shanda has healed and thanks to them and this site a lot more people will get help.
[Thank you for visiting Shanda's site and your kind words, Georgia]
Ms. Shaffer, I've started an ed awareness log and I don't remember its exact address-I'm new to it, and I've got your link on it. I hope that's okay. Thanks, Barb-from august 28th.
Hi Barb: When you have the log address - please email it to me. Wishing you Rainbows of Happiness, Georgia
There are no words to describe what I am feeling. I am so sad for your loss and for everyone else that is experiencing this horror. But, at the same time I am grateful that this site is out there. If it helps just one person then Shanda's unfortunate death was not in vain. May God bless! Stay strong, remember she is loved! Laurie - NYC [Thank you for visiting Shanda's site and your kind words and I wish you Rainbows of Happiness, Georgia]
This is the sweetest site I have ever seen and I cried sooo hard when I first saw pictures of anorexic girls. One of my older cousins was anorexic when she was younger, but she made it through, and I am thankful for that! I plan to help people who are anorexic when I grow up, and I just wanted to say this site is WONDERFUL! LOVE, KAYLA; Age 14 Minnesota [Thank you for visiting Shanda's site and your kind words. I wish you Rainbows of Happiness with you life's goal., Georgia]
I was very touched by this web site and I truly know what is like to lose loved ones, as I have just lost both of my grandparents in a drowning/car accident. It seems the pain and sorrow will never leave. I am also a bulimic and feel as if it has taken over my whole life, I am not the same person anymore, I hate it. I am a very tall girl and everyone always says how beautiful I am and that I should be a model, so I think in my head that that is what I should be and I have to be so skinny. Its driving me crazy though and its killing me, literally. The site does not tell how she passed and what exactly happened to her from years of being anorexic/bulimic, the story was not finished. I was wondering what happened....I am deeply sorry for your loss and hope god is with you all. xoxo AJB [Thank you for visiting Shanda's site. I am making changes to Shanda's' site. I have expanded on what killed her on her first cloud and will be adding more to her story - soon. It is just hard writing all of it. Please send me your email address by clicking here ]
I'm crying right now, and pray Dear Lord, bless and look after Shanda, she deserves your love and care. I was severely incapacitated last Christmas and was told my heart was likely to stop within weeks.
I'm here now though, struggling, but back to my target weight and at home (not in a horrible hosp or ed unit) I don't want to die. I still want to lose weight but where will it get me? Thank you for these clouds, reminding me anorexia kills, and dying to be thin means being thin is pointless, right!? [I am truly happy that you were able to get help and that your heart did not stop - like Shanda's did. It is pointless to starve yourself just to be thin. Please come back to Shanda's Clouds - she will help you realize how deadly Eating Disorders are.]
I almost started crying when I read your story maybe its good I read it I'm not all that healthy myself I am battling the very same thing. from Sheryl Winnipeg, MB
This site is truly amazing... i have been struggling with anorexia for 4 years... and am recovering. this site has helped me in my battles with recovery and I really thank you for making it. sending love to you all... thank you.
I'm Very surprised to find this site. I'm from Brazil and this kind of illness happen here, much more since Gisele Bünchen become a star. I'm a "bulimia girl" since my 16. And now i have a baby to take care, but i keep doing this since my daughter was born. I think this message is important to show that isn't funny and very serious. I'm doing a psychology treatment now, and i feel much better. I'm sorry for my terrible English... I'll be happy if you send a mail madame@cbgb.net Bye
I think this is so great that you made this site. I am 31 and have a 7 year old daughter, and I will give her another hug and kiss.. God Bless
Thank you for visiting my daughters memorial clouds. Never let a day go by that you miss a chance to Hug your daughter and let her know how much you Love Her. I miss doing that with Shanda.
Hi Shanda's Mom, Dad, and family members (Shanda too !!):
I have 3 friends that are on "clouds" with her, due to eating disorders. Friends that struggled for decades and lost. And in losing the battle, took a big part of me with them. I know of more that are still fighting. Please, Please, I'm begging all that visit this precious, loving web page if you know someone affected, no matter how much they try to protest, fight their fight with them. And if, God forbid, they are too beaten and weakened - fight for them. One more loss to this is one too many.
This disease / disorder (how can anyone really put a label on a monster?) does not care if you are male, female, young or old. It doesn't respect religion, political affiliation, creed or nationality. Rich or poor, no matter the skin color of the victim, it will strike down all within reach. We need to make every attempt to educate everyone l (world-wide) about how unnecessary and devastating the loss of life to a "E.D." is, for not only the individuals it tries to claim, but for the survivors as well.
I cry your tears too. Hugs and kisses, Sandy carolinafishy2@yahoo.com
GREAT SITE. AS ALWAYS! Luvs and Misses shawanda!!! LOVE COLLEENIE!
My name is Maria and I’m from the U.K. I suffered with an eating disorder for many years, going around in circles of not eating, eating then being sick. It was only when I found out that I was expecting my first child did I see what I was doing, of course eating will never be the same again, but I have it under control now. However, some like Shanda are not so lucky and having read the clouds through crying eyes my heart goes out to her family and friends for suffering this tragic and dare I say needless loss of life. How beautifully the Clouds are shown and to Shanda and her family you will always have a thought in my mind. God Bless xxx
Hi Shanda: I was out making some updates and accidentally deleted two of the most recent entries -Sorry - It has been one of those bad days. Love & Miss You Dearly, Dad
The information you provide is priceless, thank you. I am a nursing student with a strong passion about Eating disorders. I have seen my sister go down this path but thankfully has recovered well. Fantastic work. Anita Australia XXX000
Hello, I can relate to Shanda in that I too have struggled with anorexia for a very, very long time. I am now 28 years old and have had anorexia/ bulimia for 15 years. I know I am beyond recovery and that this will eventually kill me, but her story is touching none the less. It makes me feel not alone. Thank you for that. I hope to see Shanda soon...
I think this is a very interesting and helpful website to teenage girls around the world. I appreciate the courage you have to get this site up and running.
Hi - My name is Amanda. my eating disorder has been my best friend for the last 7 years of my life and, after a 10 week residential program, i am starting to abandon that best friend. someone once told me that the best thing you can do for another person suffering from an eating disorder is to take care of yourself. so I'm going to do that in memory of shanda, so she can be a part of my recovery. thank you for your beautiful site. -Amanda
Hi my name is Julia and I'm from the UK, I'm 27 and have been suffering from both anorexia nervosa and bulimia for the last 10 years, one day i cant bear the thought of food and the next i want to eat everything in sight and then throw up, its a vicious circle and don't know how I'm going to break it but reading the stories and seeing how much hurt and pain these disorders cause I'm going to seek help because i don't want to put my family threw an unnecessary funeral. Thank you for this site, its helped loads ... love from Julia xxx
Hi Button: I just got the pages corrected and I will be back out with more from notes I found. Love & Miss You - Dearly - Dad
Dear GA: Thank you for sharing your daughters story; broken hearts have a lot to share. I will send Shanda's web site to my daughter in hopes she will understand she does not have to "Fit In". She is also a Leo and as a Leo she requires a lot of attention. May God Bless all broken hearts. Love & A Hug - Betsy - Largo, FL.
Hey there! I just wanna say that I was very touched...your web site gave me extra strength to go on:) With Love: Paula from Finland
I sure hope everything you and your family went through will change the minds of people who check out this site, because it made me stop and think of how many times I wished I could be as thin as some people but now I see that it's not all a bed of roses. Thank you for your insight I'm just sorry that something like this is what it takes to wake some people up. You all must have went through so much. Well I have to go now but I will be back to see how the house is coming and to also check up on your story. TTFN - Connie
I think this is a very sad website. I am so sorry for your loss. I did not even know Shanda- but I am crying.
Hi..... This is a beautiful site....it saved one of my closest friends. Thank you so much for making this site. You to are an angel....and never forget that:)
Hi my name is Dominique and i am doing research for my psychology presentation on eating disorders. i found your site really informing and touching
Hi my name is Alyssa and I am a purging anorexic like Shanda was. This site is so sad yet touching. Shanda was such a beautiful person both inside and out. She definitely did not need this stupid disease to be beautiful. Its lovely that you have devoted so much time and effort and love into this site to honor her memory. She truly deserves this. She is such an inspiration. Love ally [I sincerely hope you get help Alyssa to overcome your eating disorder so you do not die the horrible death she did - Georgia]
Hello my name is Alyssa my friends call me lyss. I am 14 years old. Last year I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. I first thought this site would help me do what I was doing. After I went through the whole thing a couple months ago, I keep coming back to see how it changes. I am trying to get better and for a while I was getting better. Then I started to relapse it has been a struggle but I am trying. After being in the hospital and not wanting to get better I see it is ok to give in to the help I am receiving. Thank you xoxo Lyss
Dear Aunt Shanda, I just wanted to let you know that I am 12 going on 13 and I really miss u. You mean so much to me . And I wish you I could of said good bye. I miss you so much and you will always be in my heart. I love and I think about you all the time.
Dear Aunt Shanda, I really miss you and i can't stop thinking about you. I just wanted to let you know that every thing is going great with me and my brother. I am going to be thirteen and Thomas is going to be twelve. We are getting so big and i wish you were here to see it. My mom and dad kinda split up but, me and Thomas are trying to get her though it. I love you so much and i will never stop either. My mom has been putting a candle on my brother's b-day cake just for you. We will always miss you and care for so please keep thinking about us. My family misses you and so do I and that will never change I promise With love and care Kyrsten .E. Padula
December 13/03 12:40am Hi Shanda: I am e-mailing you from Ontario, Canada. I am so so sorry about your passing. I know that you are in safe hands with God and He is taking care of you. Your pain is gone forever and I believe that through this website you are going to help others with the horrific disease. My daughter is Anorexic and she is 20 years old. She is the most important person in my life and my only child. I am so afraid to loosing her. Your site has helped me tonight to see that there is light at the end of that tunnel. Sleep well and say Hi to God for me. Hugs and Kisses xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxo
I appreciate that you're putting down so much effort on this site, it's really necessary nowadays due to all girls and boys out there having eating disorders. This is a very sad story about Shanda, I hope from all my heart that no one will go through something as awful as this. You should do some ads or something so more people could find out about this site, and learn something! I wish you all the best of luck, and take care. Remember - go and tell your family that you love them! :) Love/Eva from Sweden
Thank you for your kind words, Eva. I have not put ads on Shanda's site as most advertisers put tracking software on the computer when you visit a site and I do not like to do that to anyone. I keep submitting her site to the different search engines to increase her exposure.
Love May Lene and Kari R.I.P
Hey there! I'm Heather. I am Bulimia/Anorexia. I am trying to recover right now. But it's been really hard. But seeing your web site really helped me. I've realized how bad this disease is. Thank you soo much! I love this site! It'z soo beautiful and it helps people out soo much. Thanks again! Lots of love! ~Heather~
I am so sorry you lost your beautiful daughter. I have anorexia myself and exercise 2 to 2 and a half hours every day. I love the music on this site.
Hi,, Thanks to this site, I hope I will learn from it. Shanda is such a pretty girl. I am a 36 male who started searching looking for pro-anorexia sites because I want to starve my-self to lose weight. So far I have lost 25 pounds in two weeks and was looking through ana web sites to get help reducing my weight. I found Shanda's site and now know I need help. Thanks so much, Mark
I don't know if you remember my message, nearly two years ago...I was 13 then. My name is Cassia and I am now 15...I'm still struggling but Shanda's story has stayed in my heart ever since I first read it; I have been truly touched my this story, and although I didn't know Shanda, she is an angel to me as she is to everyone else who knew her...I feel as though I can relate to her as if I did know her, and she has a special place in my heart. Thank you Shanda, you are a true angel. Cassia x x x
I love the website and all the pictures. Thank you for the heart warming experience. I feel her pain that she had suffered but she is now an angel now and has no more pains or worries. God bless ~Mandy~
This web site is beautiful, Shanda was a beautiful girl and I am so sorry for her loss. It made me cry. I have had Anorexia/bulimia since I was 16 and now I'm 36 and it just seems that I am beyond any hope. I hate it . I always think "Oh I will never die from this", but you just never know. I will save this as my favorite spot and will visit it often to try and have this give me the reality of the fact that anyone can die from this and just what all we leave behind. I love my family and would hate to have them sad and missing me the way your family misses you. I hate this eating disorder and hope and pray that someday I might be free of it. God Bless you and your family that you left behind. Much love....Tammi -
My Heart breaks for you and your family, I too suffer from Anorexia and i hate it, it is not what it is cracked up to be, I am alone even when people are near, I hate myself so much, you had and still have a beautiful daughter, Your web site is beautiful too, It has made me think about things, Thank you God Bless E.M. UK.
Your site has hit home with me...I want to be healthy for myself and those who love me...Nothing is worth the price of death...Thank you...I look forward to the new clouds...
I think your website could be very inspirational to some people!
I was just now thinking that I wanted to go anorexic and then I was researching it and found this website. I can barley type - I'm crying so hard~ now I'm not even going to try. Thank you... My prayers and my heart goes out to all of Shanda's family in hopes that they will move on to see Shanda in the after life and they surely will. Your site has completely changed my point of view on all Eating Disorders.
[To whoever wrote the above message: I know Shanda is as happy as I am to know that you are not going to try the Anorexia thing - as it will control you - until it kills you. Your loved ones will miss you as much as Shanda's family and friends miss her.]
This was a very touching and moving site, and because of this site I honestly do believe it will help alot of people out everywhere fighting this disease, for starters "ME" Thanks, Love yall
You have done very well with dealing with the loss of your daughter. I am 21, married, with no children, but I can relate to your pain. I lost my sister to this horrible disease when she was 18 years old. I wish i could create a site like yours to tell my story about her, but I am kind of computer illiterate...lol. You truly do and will touch the lives of many with this site. I am so glad you put this up... your daughter is very proud of you, and is smiling down on you, and whispers "I love you mom" before you fall asleep at night. She is with you and always will be, and don't worry gram and grandpa will take good care of her. Thank you once again for telling her story...it was wonderful Jessica, Pittsburgh, Pa email: sky16_82@hotmail.com *If anyone wants to talk about ANYTHING, I will always respond no matter what...I am a social worker also, so everything will be kept private.* Thanks again.
Thank you for your kind words, Shanda's' clouds are a labor of Love for me and I know she is watching over all who Love her - even though she may not be with us physically - she will always be in our hearts and minds'.
I think it is very sad. :( I would hate to lose my little girl. I am only 15 but if I had a daughter I know I would be so sad. :( I know your family loves you and misses you Shanda's know what it's like to lose someone you love. You're not forgotten.*Hugs*
I miss you so so much, I cannot even describe the feelings and regret. Love Always, Your Brother...Eddie
Eddie.....
Precious & I will always be near you....
I have to say this is a pretty great website. But to tell you the truth I just kinda stumbled upon the website when I was looking for Pro-Ana links. See I am 16 and have been dealing with an eating disorder on and off for at least a couple years now. I am one of those who at first was scared of what I was doing and wanted help, help that I never got when I wanted it b/c my parents didn't actually know what all I was doing and how serious it was becoming and therefore didn't know what to do.
Now I feel that it may be to late for me b/c I am still really struggling with my eating disorder and push away anyone offering help b/c I no longer want/or feel like I need anyone's help. But basically what I wanted you to know is that, running across your web site really made me stop and think about the consequences and what could happen to me. I hate to think that this could be the reason I would die. I have so much to do in life and I don't want to hurt the people in my life who really care about and love me a lot. I don't know if I can stop at this point and still I'm not sure that I fully want to, but if it makes the difference in whether or not I live or die then I am willing to try and get help and hopefully fully recover.
You have gave me a wake up call that no one else has been able to give me and for that I am really grateful. I am glad I ran across your site. It was very touching yet so sad that I was in tears. I am truly sorry for your loss of Shanda. From what I read she seemed like a truly wonderful person. Her and her story will forever remain in my heart. Keep up the good work on your site and yet again I really want you to know how grateful I am to you. xoxoxo! Jessica
Dear Jessica: I am so happy that you stumbled upon Shanda's web site and that it has made you realize you are going to die unless "YOU" get help. No one can help you unless you "Truly Want Help". Please, either email me or leave a note to let me know how you are doing "Please" - as I and I know Shanda does not want you to die. Love & A Hug, Georgia Click here to send me a email
I came upon your tribute to Shanda after having watched the Dr.Phil show on Anorexia. It brought tears to my eyes. What a truly beautiful girl Shanda was. This website is the highest honor you can bestow on your darling daughter. My heart goes out to you and your family. What a lucky girl she was to have had so much love. If after reading this, one person suffering from Anorexia seeks helps. then Shanda's death will not have been in vain. God Bless, Deborah
[Thank you for visiting Shanda's Clouds. We do hope others will visit just to learn how deadly E.D. is and we hope these clouds will change their life. Georgia]
Hi Georgia: My name is Jessica and I wrote a comment in the guestbook Apr. 10. I just wanted to let you know that I'm doing o.k. . I meant to e-mail you or at least post a comment sooner but I've been busy and things are a little hectic with me right now.
I did try to stop my eating disorder on my own and for a couple of weeks it was pretty successful but a couple of days ago things started going back down hill and I've stopped eating again. I had to go to the doctor the other day( I have to go every couple weeks to check my weight and make sure I'm still in my normal weight range and not losing any anymore) and I told my mom and Dr. briefly why I had decided to try and stop and everything. That was the day everything started going down hill and I wanted to tell my mom that I was going back down hill and maybe I needed professional help but seeing as how happy her and my Dr. were that I've been doing so well( of course my mom's thought I've been o.k. for months now) I couldn't do it. I also kinda freaked when I found out how much I weighed and on top of everything else I just decided that I couldn't try to stop anymore. I feel that I need my eating disorder to help me with my problems and I feel so disgusting right now and want to be skinny again and I need it to be happy. I really don't know what to do. If you( or anyone else) could please maybe give me some advice it would be very much appreciated. Thanks. Much love to you and your family. xoxo xoxoxo Jessica, Oh yeah and my e-mail address is countrygirl04@bellsouth.net
I found this site on Lisa Arndt's web page...thank you for sharing such a personal struggle with the world. I have been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for 10 years. I sense the pain you feel since losing your daughter...I see the same pain in my parents' faces. I don't want to die, but anorexia is so hard to stop. It is comforting to see that you have supported your daughter in her struggles, because so many people turn their backs on us. And you have done a beautiful thing by honoring the memory of your beautiful daughter. With love, Kristina
Your website was very moving and very touching. I too struggle with an eating disorder (I am 21) and your site was very inspirational to me. I share in your desire to raise the awareness of the horrible effects and truths about eating disorders. I am so sorry for your loss! Thank you for your website, your daughter was lucky to have parents like you! Aimee I also have a website at http://hometown.aol.com/aimers55/page1.html
This web site is really beautiful and emotional, but also sad. Tears are falling from my eyes. All the best feelings and love from Heidi, Finland
I think that it's important to get Shanda's story out for people to read, I applaud you guys for gathering the strength to put something like this together... but you story is HORRIBLY written. the basic ideas are there but who ever wrote it has terrible grammar/phrasing and can't spell at all. the "likes" and the little "~"s every five seconds are extremely annoying and I think they'll discourage many people from reading your story.
Hey There Dad & Georgia, I have the great luck to be able to view Shanda's Web-site. You've done a great job. I'm sure she is as beautiful as the day she went to be with the lord. It was nice to spend some time with you. I'm glad I was able to spend some time with precious. She was a great cat. I hope to be able to come visit again when the weather slows the work up here. Everything is going well up here. I appreciate my life up here so much more. Talk to you soon. Love You, Princess
This is a very moving web site. I was very touched, and very grateful that I overcame my bout with anorexia. I am, however, now struggling with compulsive overeating. Being 5'10" and weighing almost 400 pounds is no healthier than weighing 95 pounds was. But I am going to be 50 years old in five weeks -- a year younger than my father was when he died, and seven years younger than my cousin was when he died, both of alcoholism. I do not want to lose my life to the same sort of problem. Thank you for reminding me just how dangerous this can be. -- Molly Anne, Seattle
Dear Molly Anne: I am happy and sad for you at the same time. Happy that you overcame anorexia and sadden to know you have the opposite problem. I sincerely pray that you are getting professional help. Please email me of how you are doing: Click Here
Your site has touched me in a way that no other information on eating disorders has! I have been suffering from Anorexia for 3 years and while I'm moving forward, the path is long and hard as an eating disorder is as addictive as being on drugs! Its important that people hear your story and realize that this is a serious and deadly illness. Good luck to all those who are dealing with it, may you find strength within to fight it! Hannah, Los Angeles
Dear Shanda, Every time I read your story, I feel so sad. I've been sick for so many years, but one day I said to myself: What kind of life is this? To never have fun, always thinking how to get thin. Take care Shanda, God Bless You!!! Love Jeanette
Hi I'm fifteen years old and although I don't have an eating disorder I am aware that it is a big problem and I think that your site is an inspiration to those who have the disease and also a huge eye opener to everyone else. I am so sorry for your loss. Keep up the good work on the site.
Hey, I am 17 and from the Uk, I know everyone must say sorry for your loss, but I truly am. I wish there was something I could do or say to make the pain of losing someone go away, but I know that I cant. Ur site is so touching. God Bless Shanda, Rest In Peace Sweetheart. Love always, Sarah. x x x
I left a message before, as I was recovering, but I am afraid, i am back with the old habits, but they feel comforting to me, I do not want my folks to go through what you have all been through but i hurt so much inside, I feel I cannot cope any longer, I am just so tired of the fight, but I know I will go on because that's all I know, so thanks for the site, it is amazing and I know helping people as we speak, but as always I am so sorry for your loss it hurts me deep to know what you must have gone through, Rock_chic79@hotmail.com is where interested people can find me, ...THANKS !!
Love from Evelina, Sweden
Very moving. But you don't look that skinny, I have seen much skinnier who aren't even sufferers.
I think your site is very inspirational. I too was diagnosed with anorexia and bulimia at the tender age of 13. It was awful, but now I am slowly recovering. I think its great to pass on your dear friends story. Thank you.
I think this site is a great way to show a lot of young girls what it's all about. I know a few people right now living with all the pain everyday but of course to them it's not pain it's well at least I am not fat (is what they say). I look at them and it makes me sad and it makes me sick all at once. What do you really tell people that ask the question (Do I look good in this or this is great don't you wish you looked like me?) It's very hard and you have to be careful what you say to people coping with this problem or it could lead it to become worse.... Truly yours Angie
I think this site is so emotional and you have done a great job on it. I have suffered from eating disorder for 5years and I am now 17, it is very hard to get over but i am getting there. take care all of you, hopefully this website will help other girls. take care. Angela (England) xx
HI, I have been visiting Shanda's site regular, and i have left a couple of messages, hope you read them, I was in recovery but now i am back on the same road as before, Why i keep doing this i do not know, maybe one day before it is too late i shall find some help that works, and finally admit that i have a problem, To Shanda's dad and Brother and of course all the other family members, Thank you for giving me this place to be, where i can sit for a little while in silence to think about my life etc, I know Shanda will be looking down on you all, God Bless and Luv Dizzy.kitty@btinternet.com
I found this very touching and extremely moving. Having an eating disorder myself seeing this makes we want to fight and live the life I want to live.
I love this site. it is nicely designed and it comes as a sobering reminder of what will happen if you submit to those unrealistic cultural "ideals". i have been bulimic for nine years, and I'm just beginning now to realize what damage it can do and what damage i HAVE done to myself already. to anyone who WANTS to be bulimic or anorexic as a quick fix to their baby fat or that 10 extra pounds, reconsider and think hard on WHY would you want to do something so incredibly hurtful to yourself. think. K.W.
My name is Tomas. My wife struggled with an eating disorder off and on during the 20 years of our marriage and it finally killed her. I wish she would have gotten help. I miss her dearly. In memory of Helen.
Hi - there was an article in the paper today about this disorder which spoke about the websites. I haven't any personal experience with this disease but for some reason I decided to see what was "out there". I came across this website. It is moving and a wonderful testament to your daughter. I have always believed that people live on through the memories of others. Your daughter now lives in my memory.
This website, although informative, is VERY disturbing. I think it's disgusting how you are putting words in your dead daughter's mouth. It's good that you're trying to help others and establish rapport by being your daughter, but there is something morally wrong about making her speak. Leave the dead in peace.
[Please note: The words in her story came from a journal - and from what she told me before in the years before she died.]
I found this very touching and very sad all at the same time. I think by seeing this it might help me find more strength to move on. I just want to let any males who have eating disorders know there is help for us. If any males with eating disorders want to contact me that would be great. sydney_74@hotmail.com/ the support would be great. Paul
I want to please say to any males how have an eating disorder to contact me. I have had this evil eating disorder for 4 years now. I have been in the hospital 4 times and twice in treatment. I want support from males not that support from females is bad. But I want to know the male side of it. I am going into treatment once again and I pray this time I find the courage to beat this monster that has robbed of 4 years of my life. Shanda I don't know u but I love u and pray that u have found the peace u r were looking for Paul You can reach me at sydney_74@hotmail.com
HELLO TO THE FAMILY OF SHANDA GOD BE WITH YOU ALL I READ THE STORY AND IT TOUCHED MY HEART GOD BLESS YOU ALL . TO SHANDA'S DAD YOUR A GREAT DAD I CAN SEE BY THE WAY YOU WRITE TO HER HEAR HOW MUCH YOU MISS HER GOD BE WITH YOU TILL YOU MEET AGAIN. BETTY INDIANA
My heart goes out to Shanda's family. Extremely touching website. God bless, Shanda Daisey, Virginia
Thank you all so very much for divulging most personal secrets for the sake of others with whom you have never even met. may Shanda rest in peace.
WOW... I am hurting so bad right now. I really don't know how to feel, I have recently started treatment for my E.D. it has been so so hard, I never realized how much pain it brings to other people who love you. I want to stop but I still look at myself in the mirror and now I see someone stupid for even trying what i do, i still don't see who and what I want to see. Shanda: you have such amazing friends and family they miss you and I miss you and I will always have you in my mind, when while I go through my struggle to give me strength, I just wish someone was there for you as much as you are here for me and other girls and boys. thank you so much I am truly sorry and I will pass your story on and your clouds will be visited by my friends and family. :) Shanda's Mom and Dad and Eddie: it hurts me to even try imagine your pain I cant even imagine doing or wondering how my parents feel or would feel. I could type for ever telling you how thankful and moved and touched I am, these clouds gave me tears of strength and sorry but again thank you so very much. Eddie hang in there be strong :) please email me if you want to I would love to hear from you and receive and updates or details thanx again Chanti (15 years old) sacrzy123@hotmail.com
Date: 22 Jul 2004 Time: 10:39:45 This website, although informative, is VERY disturbing. I think it's disgusting how you are putting words in your dead daughter's mouth. It's good that you're trying to help others and establish rapport by being your daughter, but there is something morally wrong about making her speak. Leave the dead in peace. I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW RUDE THIS IS, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT WHO EVER WROTE THIS YOU SERIOUSLY OBVIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO LOOSE YOUR DAUGHTER MAYBE I DON'T EITHER BUT I KNOW WHAT AN EATING DISORDER IS AND ITS NOTHING TO LAUGH ABOUT. AND EVEN IF SHANDA'S MOM AND DAD WHERE PUTTING WORDS IN HER MOUTH IT WOULD ONLY BE WHAT THEY KNOW. HOW HARD DO YOU THINK IT IS TO READ SOMEONE'S JOURNAL AND THEN BE ABLE TO SHARE TO THE WORLD? PLEASE IT HURT ME TO JUST SEE THE WORD "DISGUSTING" ON THESE CLOUDS. IM SORRY MOM AND DAD I JUST HAD TO LET THOSE FEELINGS OUT LOVE CHANTI ( HUGS AND KISSES) [Please note: The words in her story came from a journal - and from what she told me before in the years before she died. From comments in her guestbook and from what I know of Shanda she would want others to know how she suffered and that others do not have to suffer.]
I believe that this is one of the most touching sites I have ever been to. its amazing how much she's missed and talked as if she was still here. because she is with everyone she was close to in their hearts.
Just visiting again... i just completed a PowerPoint on eating disorders for a class I am taking and I just wanted to let you know that one of the slides has www.shandashaffer.com on it asking people to view it and it says "it will change your life....it changed mine" thanx again ... my love is with you all...love Chanti
Thank you. I am 35 and was too thin in College. In the last year I have put on 30 pounds in my stomach and It is hard as a rock. I have gone to two doctors and instead on try to find a problem they just tell me I need to start counting calories and do more exercise. I eat 1000 cal a day and close to 4 hours of exercise. I hope they find out what is wrong. None of these problems are easy to solve you would think after so many years there would be more help available.
I am from Spain, 19 years old and have anorexia since I was 13(though I was recovered during 2 years). I've found this web so tender and it has made me almost cry... Shanda's people are really great. I let here my e-mail for anyone who wants to write me, giving or looking for support: kilarny@hotmail.com
This is a wonderful site, written in a way that really personalizes the sadness. I'm a male and at one time suffered from extreme anorexia and bulimia, although I was fortunate enough to be given a pill of MDMA - a now illegal, but amazingly therapeutic drug that made me "Wake up". After that, I simply snapped out of the behavior and have never thrown up or starved myself since.
Hi - my name is Dania and I'm from Sydney (Australia) this website is fantastic yet but sad - I cry every time I visit this site knowing you guys have lost your daughter - how sorry I am - my prayers and thoughts are with you and your daughter :)
Just wanted to say, for anyone out there suffering from anorexia/ bulimia and/or depression, you have a friend in me. not a day goes past when I don't think of you all, to live in this hell is unbearable. For ANY of you out there, currently suffering from suicidal ideas, please speak to me. I find so many things that have prevented me from taking my life- I'd love to share them with you. also for any mothers with children suffering from the above- please feel free to message me with queries you are perhaps too worried to ask your own child. lots of love Liz x
Hi Shawanda..I, I miss you. Wish you were here.....Good friends are hard to find.. Luv ya girl!
I think the site is touching. I am 37, been married to a wonderful man for the past 15 yrs, we have 2 beautiful daughters, ages 12 1/2 and 3 1/2. I unknowingly started anorexia bulimia at 14, I didn't realize it until I was in treatment at age 28, when it was diagnosed. I worked really hard on recovery for 4 yrs until I thought I was better. Until recently, I realized that I obsess over my body again. I have not started taking anything thing or purging, but I watch everything that I eat and I see myself heading in a wrong direction. I love my family so much and have so much to live for. I talk to my cousin about it because we both have similar issues. But, I feel like I can't tell anyone about my feelings because I don't want to hurt them. You and your family are awesome and I am sure you have a lot of pain when you read Shanda's journals. PS. I can't wait to hug my girls. God Bless
I was searching the web for pro-Anorexia sites when I came across this one. I have struggled for many years with an ED. The second this page opened I couldn't help but burst into tears. It really makes you think. I can't tell you how much this web site has started to change my thinking. I just can't imagine putting my parents and my loved ones through the pain. Thank you sooo much for creating this web site. It is people like Shanda Who make all the difference in a persons life. God Bless!
I think what you are doing with this website is outstanding. Don't drop the ball, you've got a good thing going here. I know Shanda is proud of her family for their efforts and influence their placing on others. =)
This is a lovely website with so much sadness. I feel pressure to fit in... But I will watch myself better now. Thank you for putting this website up. God bless you.
Shanda I miss you dearly. You Cuz, Susie
...Thank You
[To whomever wrote this entry, you are welcome...]
I think that this is a wonderful website. I don't believe in God, but if there is a God up there, I will find him/her and pray for Shanda. I do believe that I can overcome this and I know that she has helped me believe. I am 15 and I weigh 92 pounds. I am glad to know that there is hope for me, but sad to know that there isn't any
I love your website. I am not anorexic, I was just doing a presentation about it and I was really touched by Shanda's story. I hope you don't mind Ms. Georgia, but I want to use Shanda's story. She seemed to be a wonderful person and she has wonderful family I can see who loved/loves her very much. May God Bless your family. Thank you so much for sharing that! I will pray for you. KiKi- pluckytaylor@yahoo.com
Only God knows how thankful I am for finding your site. Thank u from the bottom of my heart. God Bless u
Because of this website I am now getting help. I thought I was fat because I weighed 120pounds but now i am going to lose weight the correct way. I'm so thankful I found this site. god bless u -Jessie André
This is a great way to help people. I'm recovering from anorexia. I think its going to be a life long battle. Thank you
It was beautiful. I read the poems and just sat here with tears streaming down my face. I try to tell my son and daughter every day how much they mean to me. We may not have tomorrow. Bless you
This website is truly truly amazing... you just touched my heart...truly. Dearly... I am currently interested in studying eating disorder statistics...maybe not a study but a research, anyway I will regularly visit this site and will inform others about it...i hope that by your actions others will realize the message.. thank you and god bless! Jayme
It is very sweet!! I am sorry for what happened.
This is the site that brings big tears to your eyes.
I'm an 30-yr.old Black female with bulimia. Fifteen years ago, I started as an anorexic, the so-called "white girl's" disease. Imagine how back then, it was really hard having a disease with a race label. My entire family was stunned and shocked because these were illnesses only white girls had. I've been in and out of treatment for 15-years and I'm still struggling. If only there were information and encouragement like this when I was a child, maybe I'd be well now. I believe the greatest gift you can give back is your knowledge, courage, and truth. No one wants to hear the truth because it's so disturbing but it is the only way you can help your loved one. Shanda was so beautiful and we often see in others what we refuse to see in ourselves. I would never call myself beautiful and I'd say "what are you thinking, you're gorgeous, why are you doing this to yourself?" I don't regret my struggle because it has partly shaped who I am today. What's more important is young women who find themselves caught up in looking "perfect," there is help, there are these web sites, there are people to talk to and relate to. God bless you and your good work and may many lives be saved.
[Thank you for your candid comments. Anorexia / Bulimia is a disease that does not care what the color of your gender is, it is a disease that is driven by need of people wanting to fit in with the crowd, to be accepted by others. One has to learn to accept themselves, the person inside. I sincerely hope and pray you over come the disease.]
Hi Shawanda! I Miss you!!! COLLEENIE
Hello...Shanda was a very beautiful woman....I also lost my best friend, age 22, from anorexia....please know you are in my prayers.... please read about our story www.featherweightinc.com love and peace, Jil Lucidi
Your Website is very touching. To be honest with you I cried reading through all of the things posted. I have thought about going Anorexic many times. I know its bad but after reading all of this and knowing the downsides of being anorexic, I think I am just going to go on a diet. ~Love
Joanna from Poland. I've been bulimic for over 5 years. I'm running out of new ideas how to stop vomiting. It's hopeless... Waiting for death :(
[Joanna - I hope you come back to view Shanda's' guestbook as the is no such thing as hopeless.. If you truly want to stop vomiting - you need to ask for help, please click on may name to send me an email Georgia]
I think it is beautiful. We lost out son in a sledding accident in Feb.1996 and not a day goes by that you don't wish that you had given that extra hug or said I love you. Johnny will always be with us. I wrote my poem a week after it happened. It might not sound good to some people but it does to me. Thank you, Charmaine Pardee
[Charmaine, I am so sorry for your loss, please email me the poem, I would love to read it. Georgia Just click on my name to send me an email.]
Aleksander Katowice Poland touching story. I hope it helps my anorexia ill girlfriend. Love You. Remember Caroline in my mind.
My name is Shanda Renee Snow Turman, I am 43 but I had an eating disorder, I weighed 83lbs when I was 19. I still have the sickness, but I am trying to get better, I also have panic attacks which make things worse at times. shanda_turman@yahoo.com
Date: March 1, 2005 Hello, I'm 24 years old, and I've been trying to find sites that were Pro "Ana". Then I came across this site. I thank God for. I am sorry for your loss. And I hope and pray this site wake others up as it has for me. It is not worth wanting to be like what u see on TV and magazines. Thank you for posting your sorrow, but realize you are saving lives. Thank you & Many blessings to you.
I never realized the reality of this. It is clear now. Thank you
Shanda, you may or may not know how your website turned my evening around. On Earth we were only a year apart in age, you being the younger. I've dealt with my anorexia-bulimia-overeating issues since the age of 14 that's almost 20 years ago. I have problems in almost every body system, and am now so large I've lost friends and hate myself. I've recently lost a small amount of weight and, until now, was determined to utilize my old eating/not eating routine, though I doubt my body can take much more. I have an eight year old daughter to think about and set an example for. I'm desperate, but you and your story will allow me to eat properly for another meal. I hope to take it one meal, or hour, or minute at a time. Thank you so much for your story. I'll visit you again. Roberta
I'm suffering from anorexia, but I enjoy it, I enjoy looking in the mirror and finding yet another bone! when I am ready to recover, I'm sure this website will be on my mind though!
[I hope the person who wrote this does come back to read Shanda's story, she did not want to die and I sincerely pray that you do not want to either. In life though, each of us is responsible for what we do. The choice is yours: Live or Die!]
Thank you so much for this beautiful place to come...you have made your daughter's legacy proud!
It seems like a nice tribute to this girl.. but please stop using the word 'dumb' in relation to eating disorders.. I have one.. and it hurts that you think like that.
[Please remember, the words that have been used on my daughters web site, came from her and her journal. I am truly sorry that you have the disease, and pray that you are getting help to overcome it.]
Hey There, I really miss you I think about u day and night and always think about the good times we had. I really hope that u became very good friends with My Great Grandma. I miss her to she passed away in Fed of 2005. I miss you so much. I am 14 now and I am still to this Day signing this guestbook because I want people to know how Special you really are. I look a lot like my mother every day. Thomas is Doing well he has been Growing and he has became a Hottie < I am kidding. My Dad is doing good to. well my Mom as a new person in her life and she is so happy. I really wish you were here with me. This Year has not been easy. My Father was in the Hospital for 2 weeks, but he is a lot better now. I miss you and I love you so much and you will always have a spot in my heart. PS: Please take good care of Tara and yourself o0o0o and The rest of my family that is with you today ( Muah ) Love Always, Kyrsten Padula, I miss you and I will never forget all the good times we have had together!!
Hi this is Kyrsten Padula, Shanda Shaffer was a very special person to me. She always put a smile on my face and when I was down. She also gave me the support I needed. I really and truly miss her. She meant so much to me and still does. I was very young when she passed and I really didn't know what was going on but as the years went by I realized that she was not coming back. Coming to this site really puts a smile on my face because I look back to see how happy and Beautiful she really was. I am 14 now and I still think about all the good times we ever had. Please don't let any your of loved ones or friends do this because you never know when they will gone forever. The week before she passed was the last week I would ever see her again. Please take notice if you ever know someone who has this problem please talk to them about it and get help because this is what would happen with out your help. Don't let it happen to you. I love you Aunt Shanda and I always will have a Place in my heart for you!! Love always and Forever, Kyrsten Padula PS: We miss you Happy Easter!!!!
Hi my name is Kyrsten Padula. Shanda Shaffer was a very special person to me and my family. My mother and her were best friends. She passed away when I was 7-8 years old. At that time i really didn't know what was going on but as the days moved on I finally realized that she was gone and she was not coming back. It hurt so bad knowing that I wasn't able to say good bye. I am 14 now and still to this day I am signing this guestbook and looking at at her Wed-site. I love coming to this web-site because I love to look back at how happy and Beautiful she really was. I really am happy to see how much this web-site has made a difference to some people. I lost someone who was very special to me so please if u know someone who has this problem talk to them or get help because i don't want you to lose someone so close to you like i did. I love you aunt Shanda and i miss you so much. You will always have a place in my heart. Love always and forever, Kyrsten Padula :-)
Hi Aunt Shanda this is Thomas we haven't talked in a while but my Mom has been writing in here from all of us. I love you and you know how much you are missed, but you will never leave our hearts. I am so grateful for that last week I got to spend with you in FL. it was great to see you and we went to Disney world!! you left to soon and you where not able to really be there for my mom, and I know you would had been there for her. it is unable to be said in words how much you are missed but you will always be in our hearts. I love you so much xoxoxo love, Thomas Padula #14
My name is Thia, I'm 38, and I used to be ana/mia. My tears held off until the last (which was the first) entry. I read both the old guestbook and this new one. My condolences go out to friends and family of Shanda. My prayers go out to anyone who is struggling with an ED and especially those who are not yet ready to start the journey of recovery. I remember how "empowered" the ED made me feel yet I also remember how empty inside I felt, how bleak life felt. Was this all life was? Being ruled by numbers and the isolation of needing to be smaller and bonier? Sure life was a little scary, but it was also fun, promising, a big wide world of adventure and just everyday life 'stuff'-mine for the taking-if only I would accept. A carefree fit of giggles with a friend, a worry-free meal uninterrupted by panic and preoccupation. After 21-32 years of off-and-on starving/binging/purging, I got a hernia while purging. My close friend who had taught me the tricks of ED behavior) acquired one too. Seventeen years ago we were having our own little "purging parties" the two of us. Our sick and distorted thinking thought this was okay. By the grace of God we both lived to tell about it and reminisce with gratitude. Limited exercise as a result of the hernia caused a regular hernia for me as well. I'm lucky those are all the 'battle scars I've gotten to show for my ED. Some, like Shanda, aren't and weren't so lucky. I don't mean to be so long-winded here, but if you have an eating disorder, I pray that you will use all your strength to fight it. I promise it's worth it. It doesn't happen overnight, but it's worth every step of recovery. If you relapse-don't lose hope or beat yourself up over it. You can do it. I have faith in you. Thank you for this loving tribute to Shanda. (((HUGS))) to her mom and dad, Ed, and anyone else who needs one. Take care, ~Thia
Thank you so much for creating this website......your courage in the face of such heartbreak is testament to your love for your daughter and is an inspiration to those who suffer from ED's. My experiences w/ ED's have all been second hand....girlfriend, sister, best friend (male).....and fortunately I have lost none......but the experience is no less painful....my sympathies are with all of Shanda's friends and family, because ED's not only affect the individual but all the people who love them. Though Shanda lost her fight w/ her ED during her life, she is ultimately victorious......because her story is reaching and affecting all of us now....
Shanda, I think of you so much. Sure do miss you. Your cousin, Sussie
This site is wonderful. A real tribute. I'm in recovery and should've died a long time ago. I'm still struggling to even want to get better. Looking through these clouds has given me inspiration to continue and strength to persevere. I don't want to leave behind my 3 beautiful babies and my wonderful giving husband. Thank you for the time and effort to give others the inspiration to get help and overcome these terrible diseases. Thank you.
Hello my name is Kyrsten I new Shanda very well. For everyone one that didn't know her she was the best. She always put a smile on my families faces. I miss her a lot and I love her so much. There is not a day that goes by that i am not thinking of her. Please if anyone has this problem get help soon because I don't want you to go through what I had to . Thank u!!!! Love always and forever Kyrsten Padula PS: I love u Aunt Shanda and I miss u so much u don't even know. ( Muah )
This is a really beautiful website, but so very, very sad.
Hello there to everyone who has visited this site. Hi my name is Kyrsten Padula, I loved Shanda Shaffer so much and I still do . She passed away when i was about 7 and it was very hard for me because i didn't understand. But I am 14 now, but now as the days move on I realize what really happened. It is a very bad Problem so please if you have this problem or no someone with the problem get help because I don't want anyone having to go through the pain that I had to go through at such a young age. I love u so much aunt Shanda and I miss u more than u can even think....... Guess what Aunt Shanda I am going to Mexico tomorrow I can't wait. Please watch over me my little Brother and my Daddy... I miss u and I love u PS: I hope u are doing well Mr. Shaffer. Love always and forever: Kyrsten E. Padula ( Muah )
Hi I visited your web site and now I'm seeing it again - I hope I get sick and be skinny one day soon - its not pretty been fat and sad all the time - will revisit and read more tomorrow. Miss D [I hope you find someone to talk to as you are not seeing the beautiful person inside you. Please get some help-help is available.]
HI. My name is Jennifer and I am from Louisiana. I found this sight while searching for the wrong ways to loose weight. It's a beautiful site and it somehow managed to change my opinion. Anyhow I wanted to leave this poem for you.
Don't think of them as gone away; Their journey has just begun; Life holds so many facets; This earth is only one; And think of them as living in the hearts of those they touched; For nothing loved is ever lost; And they were loved SO much.
May God bless you and your family. [Hi Jennifer: I am soo happy that Shanda's Clouds have changed your opinion and that you will not try using Anorexia and or Bulimia to loose weight. It would eventually kill you. Thank you for the Lovely - Lovely poem, it is one that came from inside a beautiful person. I placed a copy of it on Shanda's Poem Cloud]
This is a great web site, but really sad one to, I feel so sorry for your lost. This is a very sweet web site, keep up the good memories of her that will help you with the pain of missing her.
What an amazing website. Since about the age of 14 I have worried about my weight a lot. Whenever I look in the mirror I just see this huge person that I despise. I've always been worried that if I ever gained weight I would loose all my friends. Your website has made me realize that I shouldn't just live with bulimia and live with hating myself, I should actually get help.
[Thank you for stopping by. I know that Shanda is truly delighted that you will get help, she does not want you to join her.]
I thank you for this. You have no idea what this meant to me.
My mother died when I was 12. She had cancer of the esophagus. She was bulimic for many, many years. The wear on her throat was too much. This cancer was very much preventable. I worry that people do not understand the reality of their eating disorders. I pray for you and other families left behind. How beautiful your daughter was! I am grown now with children of my own. I am educating myself so that what happened to my mother will not happen to my daughters. May you take comfort in knowing that she is at peace and the pain and battle is over. I know it is hard to loose a mother, I can't imagine losing a child so early. God bless you all!
[Thank you for your kind words. I know the pain you went through loosing your Mother and you must believe she passed to a place where she is without pain. It has always been my hope that Shanda's Clouds would get people to realize just how deadly Eating Disorders are and get help. One never thinks they will bury their children, children are suppose to outlive their parents. I know you will cherish each day you have with your Daughters. Be sure to give them a hug and tell them you love them.]
These poems are soo... inspirational, and deep from the heart. Each one is special in many ways, so keep your head up in doing a great job with this site. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! Love always, Raven Lopez
These poems are soo... inspirational, and deep from the heart. Each one is special in many ways, so keep your head up in doing a great job with this site. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!! (ALSO THANKS FOR MAKING THIS BEAUTIFUL SITE) Love always, Raven Lopez
I'm Mirjam,24 and I've been struggling with anorexia for about 8 years now and i think this is such a beautiful site....I'm sorry that the ending is so sad. I am speechless....
Hello there to everyone who has seen this site. I really hope that this website has made a difference on someone today! This website means the world to me just like Shanda did. I loved her so very much and I still do. Every night I think about all the good times we had together. We had so many like the time when we went shopping just us to and we had dinner. I miss that so much, I will never forget that time. I am 14 and I still miss her but everyday I miss her more. Only if she was here for my big 13 that is all I ever talked about with her. I miss you aunt Shanda and you are always in my heart. ( Muah )
I cried reading the poem about "the mirror". Is it only me that sees everyone different? Not just my self. This site is beautiful, and many souls can be saved. Just not me.
Hey I fell so bad i would never ever do that your web site really touched me ~Ashley~
I have struggled with Shanda's issues as well for almost 5 years now...its been hard...visiting your site for her really hit home for me...I cannot truthfully admit that i am ready to get better yet, but reading your words and seeing her pictures makes me think that I may be ready some day...thank you so much for making this site...God bless her and her loving family...take care:)
Well if i can stop crying I will give you my comments. This has to be the most beautiful site I have ever seen. I am crying for your little girl, I am crying for all of you, especially Dad - your words are so so so - I don't know. I started my anorexia road back when I was about 13 and I'm now 30, although I've had recovery years, I've also had bulimia years and now a very bad year of anorexia. I put my family through so much pain and I know that if I let this get out of hand again I'm really gonna hurt them this time. I'm guilty of using pro-ana sites, but I also want to be healthy again, maybe I'm crying for myself too, I don't know really? But I wanted to say that I do anything to stop others developing E.D.'S and I truly believe that these pages will save many people from this hell. I haven't looked at the poetry yet, no doubt more tears for later. I will sign with my anorexic name, so others I chat to on those pro sites will see me here. All my love and prayers - Stick Thin.
I posted the one before stick-thin's...just thought I would add my name as well...also, I wanted to share a quote that my dad refers to for losses such as yours...take care, and thanks again for the beautiful site...I hope one day, I will be able to accept the road to recovery -Bicki "...and the angels rejoiced as they accepted a new believer into paradise..."
I am so sorry about your daughter. I too have an eating disorder. I have had one for 23 years. I was linked here through an ANA site from Stick thin. I am crying as I type this. It's so hard to find a way out of this disease. I get well for a while then I go back & am worse than before. Once again, I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. I read her words...they could have been written by me. :-( Sadfatshell
[I know Shanda is a happy as I am that you visited her clouds. You just have to take life - 1 Day At A Time, as that is all any of us have. I pray that you have someone to talk to and you can also visit the help site by clicking here ]
You know I have heard from a very well known minister that when you pass away you do see your loved ones again....well...my little sister, I hold you in my mind and my heart until we see each other again. My dark days are gone, I'm clean. He has touched every part of my life. His light has shined in my face and in my heart. Christ has made such a huge impact on my life. Everything has changed. I love and miss my little sister so much and she will always be in my mind and my heart. ED
Eddie
and and will always be near.....
My name is Bobbie, I'm a 40 year old mother of three....and have found you website to be comforting, a little sad....but serene too. I live in Wellsville, Ohio; and at a young age had similar problems that haunted me for about 5 years. I don't know why some of us can break down the wall eventually and others can't. But wonder..
I'm here again, I think I come here everyday but too scared to say too much as I'm trying to get worse not recover at the moment and I know that must stink to you and all your family, but I'm just in this too deep at the moment. Anyhow, I was wondering where I could get hold of this music? I find it extremely comforting. I hope that one day I can come here as a recovered but I just can't do it yet, I'm sorry. All my love to anyone in trouble with E.D.'s and to Shanda and her family from Stick thin - sorry to use this name but I'm scared someone will see me otherwise - sorry. XXX
I'm here again, I think I come here everyday but too scared to say too much as I'm trying to get worse not recover at the moment and I know that must stink to you and all your family, but I'm just in this too deep at the moment. Anyhow, I was wondering where I could get hold of this music? I find it extremely comforting. I hope that one day I can come here as a recovered but I just can't do it yet, I'm sorry. All my love to anyone in trouble with E.D. and to Shanda and her family from Stick thin - sorry to use this name but I'm scared someone will see me otherwise - sorry. XXX
Hey....Thanks for the website. My name is Sequea and I am anorexic. I really enjoyed the website and all....I am sorry for your lost. I guess at this point in my life I don't care what it does to my health. Doesn't anyone understand that all I want to do is be thin? I think your story will help those who want to become anorexia or bulimia. That makes me sick! It is a disease people! Thanks for putting this up and God bless. Sequea Colossians 1:15-17
I think this website is so wonderful. I really appreciate the website because it raises awareness about eating disorders. I have struggled with one for 3 years, this site is truly incredible.
Hi, my name is Ashley and I live in Queensland Australia. My friend is going though anorexia and I wont her to get better. I think this web site is wonderful, thank-you. And sorry for what you've had to go through. Love Ashley P.S. I will pray every night for her.
[Thank you for visiting Shanda's Clouds. I know Shanda does not want your friend to join her in Heaven. I pray your friend does visit this site and sees just how deadly the disease is.]
The website was an eye opener. I've been dealing with the idea of being thinner -- just a size smaller which became another size to beat -- would give me more self confidence. When I was younger, I was bigger than everyone else. Even now, I'm trying to lose weight, and now that I'm nearing my goal, I can't help but think more. I was doing it the right way before but I've been slipping back into old habits I thought that maybe I had conquered-- not eating at all. I came to realize it's a never-ending battle. I didn't expect to stumble on this website. I didn't go out looking for a website on eating disorders. I actually found it through a forum I frequent. I found a link to this site from another, and I spent a lot of time just reading the material here. Thank you. I'm going to go look at getting some help.
Why didn't you guys take her to a god damn hospital
If you had read her story you would know she refused medical help, claimed she was getting help on her own. Georgia
This is such a beautiful website dedicated to a very beautiful young lady who is dearly missed by all that had the pleasure of knowing her. She will be so proud of you all for making this website and trying to help millions of young people today who are fighting anorexia. I am so touched by this website and i am honored to have visited it.
Thank you so much xXxXxXx Charlotte 15 England XxXxXx
Hi Shawanda: Its Colleenie. Just saying Hi and I miss you. I can't believe it will be 6 years on Tuesday. Still miss ya as much as I did then...
It was 6 years ago this evening that I was able to give you a hug - kiss and tell you I Love You Shanda. The time will come when I will be able to do that again. Until then, you know how much you are missed and Loved by all. Love You Button, Dad
Thank you for making this site. People need to be informed of the dangers of anorexia. I'm truly sorry for your loss. Sincerely, Briana SmartIdoit@aol.com
Hello I am thirteen and going into the 8th grade. I have thought for a long time of becoming anorexia. All my friends tell me how much they want to have my body. I am not yet anorexic but because of what they say it makes me want to be skinnier and make sure I never become fat. I was looking the web to find some sights that would maybe "inspire" me to become anorexic. reading this site made me think of all the people who care about me. when I read the letter that says hi button it made me cry. I just can't bare the thought of how my family would feel if I started to become anorexic. thank you so much for this site it has inspired me to stay strong. Love, Anonymous
[Dear Anonymous: I am so happy that you visited my Daughters memorial web site. It has been my life's goal to have her site out here for people like you to see and realize just how deadly Eating Disorders really are. It has been six years since Shanda was taken from us all and we all still miss her deeply. I know she does not want you to join her in heaven, she wants you to live life to its fullest. Listen to the ones who love you, they are your true friends. Just take one day at a time as that is all any of us truly have. Best Wishes, Georgia]
I think that this website is very sad. I ran into this site because my name is Shanda also I typed it and ? on Google search engine. I am just 13 but I know someone who is bulimic. I showed her this site. I hope that it will help her understand what can happen as a result of not eating. Thank you.
I think the site is great. I believe it is eye opening and thoughtful. Great Job!
This is a beautifully constructed site which is very thought provoking. It made me bawl my head off. I'm not anorexic, in fact, totally the other end of the scale. I'm so sorry for your loss, Shanda, and hope this site will help others learn to fight their demons. Be blessed.
Hi everyone here. Just wanted to say how great this site actually is. I think some of them famous people who seem to be anorexic e.g. Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Kidman etc. They need to learn the what the examples they are setting to young teenage and even pre-teenage girls who, because they want to be skinny like they celebrities, start starving themselves thinking that making them skinny is going to make them beautiful etc. I am only 12 years of age and already I realize the bad example some famous people are setting to young girls like me. In a magazine I was looking at the pictures of all the super skinny celebrities and wanting to be sick. I think Charlotte Church is setting a brilliant example to young girls because of her healthy attitude towards eating. She says just eat sensibly and never diet and you will stay a nice size and shape. Some girls think that if they become skinny boys will like them, they will become popular etc but this is not the case. I am naturally very skinny like a size 6 but I wish I had a nicer figure, a bigger bust, my hip bones didn't stick out in that horrible way. I've even had people at school say I'm anorexic and its not nice. A message to girls who starve themselves: Don't do it, its not worth it.
A touching tribute.
Now that anorexia is in style it is scarier than ever. I also struggle with feeling fat even though I am 5'5" 135 pounds. I can't seem to get over my jealousy toward people who are skinnier than me. I will keep praying and focusing on Shanda as a reminder that it is not worth it.
Hi, I am 19 years old. I was anorexic for quite awhile, but i then got help. I am so grateful that I "recovered". I use quotations because recovered is a very strong word. I don't think you ever truly recover from this devastating disease, but I do believe you can beat it. I often go to websites like this one just to get a little confidence that I can keep with my fight. I have never seen this particular one before, but am so glad I found it. The love that Shanda's family and friends have for her are unbelievable. My prayers are with you everyday. I can't imagine what my family would have gone through had I let this disease get the best of me. If anybody is suffering with this terrible disease, be strong. YOU CAN WIN! Thank you so much for making this website, I think it is a great thing to have out there. God Bless you Shanda. You are an angel to all.
Rest in peace beautiful soul. May you have found happiness and eternal life somewhere with no calories to worry about god bless.
I would just like to stay that your website really hit home ! My name is Claire and I am only 17 years old, although i am young, I am however at the age where you must be perfect to "fit in" and I hate it. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward life and see if it was all worth it in the end. I live in London (England) and found you website through a search engine. And would like to say thank you for sharing you loving story with the world you truly are angels in the making it. xxx
Hi there! I really like your web site!! What a terrible loss it is!! My best friend died 5 years ago of organ failure caused by anorexia. Since I have been researching many pro anorexia sites. In hopes of having some understanding. My condolences! ~Jocelyn~
What a beautiful website. Being a mom I can understand how much pain you are in. being an anorexia and bulimia i understand what your daughter went through. Sometimes I feel that there isn't anything but pain. That what I've dealt with all my life. I don't know anything else. love and pain is all I am. I don't know if I can hang on much longer. you see I am of "normal" weight right now. But I want to go further. You see its not what society thinks I should be its just a very painful way of killing myself. I need to feel the pain. Its no ones fault. I am an adult I know what can happen. I am sitting here crying because I know. It has taken me without a fight this time. Just sinking deeper and deeper. Who knows the future right? Hopefully I will come back here for a reality check. Please know your daughter knew how much you loved her, perhaps she didn't love herself.
Hi, I am writing from Estonia. I could say it has been a God bless that i found this site. I have been struggling with anorexia and now bulimia from the age 15 (now I am 24) and I just haven't been able to get a good grip on it just yet. This site made me realize how much hurt I am causing to my family and myself for trying to live up to this dream of "perfect body". I have a wonderful husband, great parents and some good friends left :) Why not enjoy what I have.....Thank you for opening my eyes to get help....Thank you!
May God Bless You and Your Family
Hi my name is Samantha and I am deeply moved by this site. I once was anorexic and its stories like these that help me to not go back to my old way. I cant help but cru when I hear about Shanda's story. I just wish that something so tragic didn't have to happen for people to realize what they are doing to themselves and to help them change their ways. I hope nothing but good wished to the family of Shanda and may God bless you. thank you so much.
As for the "person" (if that is what they call themselves) taking this site as a joke, what goes around comes around.....
Hi: I am very thankful to you for this site. I wish your family eternal happiness. your daughter was very beautiful. and now she is able to realize it with the help of god. I'm very sorry for your pain. this website is going to help so many. Bless your family
Hi....not much to say really, except that this is such a beautiful site and my heart goes out to the family and friends of Shanda. God be with you all.
Hi its Claire again, I posted on the 24th July at 10.48 ! I cant stop coming back to this site. And I have emailed the address to my friends and 1 girl in particular of who are on their way to anorexia I can only hope that she will realize the hurt and pain, it has caused you and therefore her family, thank you for opening my eyes ! and hopefully hers before it gets to a tragic state xxx
Hi Button: It was 33 years ago today - at about this exact time that you came into the world. The event will forever be burned into my memory. One day, I will again be able to hold you and maybe then I can find out why you refused help and just what went wrong. Everyone misses you. Love Dad.
Hi, my name is Shanda, it is nice to see my name for a change nobody in my community has my name.
[I hope when you saw community - you do not refer to being Anorexic or Bulimic]
I am SO PROUD of whoever has the grace and drive to make this site after such a tragedy. Thank you for reaching out to others. I'm sure Shanda is very proud.
Miranda Juvenile Counselor (Recovering ED)
[It has been a labor of love for my daughter who I dearly miss. I hope through this web site we - Shanda and I - can prevent someone else senseless death from any form of Eating Disorder]
I don't like the first person narrative, it grates after a while... Please use her journal and refrain from comment. Also this stuff about clouds is sickly sweet. She may be an angel but that's not for us to say. Please don't use euphemisms as its disingenuous... I appreciate what you're trying to do and the time spent but to get the message across you might consider other ways. Keep up the excellent heartfelt work.
[You comments are duly noted and appreciated. It means you took time to view the site. Thank you. If it saves just one life all of my efforts are worth it.]
I think its a very amazing thing that there is this website. I commend you for putting this website up and the words to help young girls get encouraged to get better. My mother was bulimic for thirteen years of her life and she still struggles to this day, at 44 years of age, with her body image. I do not think it right for people to put mean or hurtful things in this guestbook. The internet is about free speech and this site could mean life or death for many young impressionable kids. I thank you for this site from the bottom of my heart. Maybe it will help some one.
Hey This is the first time I've been on this site and definitely not the last, it's such a lovely and sad site and I cried so much when i read it :( All my love xxxx
I just want to say what a beautiful website. I am sobbing so hard, I fear for my sister. My sister at the moment is in intensive care on a ventilator weighing 50lbs at 5ft 3in. She is 22 and has been anorexic for 11years. She has had two heart attacks in the pat year. she is fed by nasal-gastric tube 24/7 and cant hold down any food. She has been in treatment a number of times, under court orders. but still remains very sick. she has kidney failure and is on dialysis. i am joining her in the hospital today to donate one of my kidneys as she will not survive if she has to wait on a donor. please Shanda look over my sister, I cannot lose her she is all I have. I love her so much, anorexia has her, I want her back! Gil I love you.
This is a beautiful website. Shanda is beautiful and she's in heaven watching over you and your family. Seeing this site makes me sad, but a the same time it's encouraging and makes me want to get help even more. God bless you.
First of all excuse my English, I'm from Sweden. But as far as I understand this is a VERY TRAGIC way to die. And I know that I will go the same way if don't let the doctors help me. Thank you for giving me a real "wake-up-call". And if I some day will go back to the normal me, without eating disorders.. you are some of them I need to thank. This is a really tough disease to get rid of. But I will do my best and a will think at your loved daughter while I keep on fighting. Thank you for making me waking up! THANK YOU.
Love from Isa.. The Netherlands - Europe
>
Anorexia, BED, and bulimia have taken control of my life. it makes me sick to see pro anorexia sites and I'm so glad that this is not another one. Anorexia is not a path in life to choose, its something that you can't help and once it gets a grip its terribly hard to shake of. I'm lucky and am receiving regular help but I want to go to university next year but hopes are fading away as my weight just yoyo's up and down. All I can say is if you are struggling get help, it doesn't make you automatically better but it sure helps. don't suffer in silence.
Date: 16 Aug 2005
Time: 16:01:30
Comment:
Hi Button: Someone was putting a bunch of garbage into your guestbook, and I stopped all entries. Now all entries go to a private site and I will post them from there.
Love and Miss You Button, Dad
Date: 20 Aug 2005
Time: 19:41:57
Comment:
I wanted to tell you and your entire family that I am so sorry for your loss. I think it is amazing that you have taken such time and positive energy to build such a loving site for your daughter. I am 32 and know the struggles I have been through always worrying about the way I look. I hope and pray others who suffer from Anorexia learn something from your words. all the best always. Doreen- Colorado
Date: 11 Sep 2005
Time: 02:18:53
Comments:
Hi. This is a really touching site. It's a real eye-opener. I suffer from
Anorexia-Bulimia and it is a terrible struggle. This site gives me strength and
encouragement to get better and live my life to the fullest. Life is good, dying
from and eating disorder is terrible. I bless you that you should be comforted
and have a happy fulfilling life. Thank You for this site. M.S.
cowsaymoosia@yahoo.com
Date: 15 Sep 2005
Time: 12:36:15
Comments:
This website is truly touching especially to a person like myself who suffers
from a eating disorder. I will continue to keep this story in my heart and keep
fighting to help myself and keep strong for my children.
Hi. I suffer from anorexia and bulimia. Today is my 17th b-day and I want to be 18, 19, 20 etc. I don't want to die. I want to have a husband and family. 17 yrs old is too young to die. Thank You for helping me realize that. M.S.
I love your site. I'm sorry you lost someone so dear to you. This country needs to get rid of all of those 5'10" 90 lbs. models and put in some more common bodies. I haven't dealt with an actual disorder, just been suicidal and depressed for 6 years. I just got married June 25th and am getting better. I work for the mentally and physically disabled and love it, it's helping me through. Thank you, love Jennifer
Date: 04 Oct 2005
Time: 08:03:32
Comments:
hey im anorexic i need help im only 13 im just soo lost.
You need to talk to your Mom & Dad Please. Also visit the
help cloud, there is a link at the bottom of this cloud.
Date: 05 Oct 2005
Time: 12:32:13
Comments:
Hi, me again, sorry if I shouldn't be posting here again, but my last message
was so negative, positive news is I id get like semi healthy for a while,
unfortunately that didn't last. But I saw a message from Gils sister here who
gave her kidney to Gil and gave her some extra life but we haven't heard from
either of them in a while and I worry for them both - Gil if you are still
alive, please tell me, I love you. I also want to say this is the most
amazing site because I truly believe that it helps prevent young girls
developing this awful disease - I have to believe that.
Thank you to the family and Shanda - God let you rest in peace. Love Sticky!
Your site is truly wonderful. May God hold your beloved Shanda in the palm of his hand. My heart is breaking for her parents.
I think this site is really sad, and i think it's sad that you had to go R.I.P. I hope your having a better time up there! And that you are healthy and happy with your grandparents.
Hey, thanks a lot for making such a web, these personal stories help a lot to get the word across to people.
Date: 18 Oct 2005
Time: 15:24:23
Comments::
Beautiful website I must say. It would have been oh so easy to sweep this
issue under the carpet. I think your wonderful people for creating this site
with such honesty I think it will help many, I've had an eating disorder since I
was 13 I'm now 19, I'm still in the vicious circle but desperately want help.
I have so much to achieve in my life if I could just escape my demons.
Good luck to everyone out there who suffers the same, sorry for the loss of such
a beautiful angel who is at peace through this site alone she has touched many
lives I'm sure as she must have done in life.
Much love to Shanda and family x
God Bless
I have never known anyone who has had an eating disorder. You have opened my eyes to what a horrendous tragady this disease is. i only wish Sharon could have lived to tell her story in person... Sarah from VA
Great site. Thank you :)
I will visit this site every day.
Date: 20 Nov 2005
Time: 21:25:49
Remote User:
Comments:
I had anorexia and bulimia for 19 yrs I am 29 now and in Therapy fighting this monster to have a normal life. This is a beautiful site.
Love KAY
This is a great website, I have also suffered from an eating disorder and am so now. This site moves me and has given me more motivation now to get better.
Thank you. your a huge help. from a girl called Lauren
So sad! I used to be Anorexic, now I am almost recovered trying not to fall again, you are so loving, God bless you Nana
I just wanted to say this was a wonderful site. I speak as someone struggling with ED at the moment, bulimia. It is so sad to see someone so beautiful taken by this illness. And it makes me want to get better and keep fighting.
God bless you for your loss. AB
This is all scary to me because I know it can happen to me!! But I must be a luck person to still be alive. I have got some help but I will need more to keep going...thank you!! This is helpful!
In honor of Kyrsten Padulas good friend; I'm sorry about what happened & I'm glad that have been able to put this site up to help others who suffer from Anorexia. very thoughtful
:-) ..Kyrsten Padulas' friend
I think your web site is an inspiration to all that read's it. Thank you for giving me the chance to look at Shandas' life. I have learned a lot; she seems like a wonderful person. You have helped me dearly and I am going to appreciate life, not worry about calories as that is what my life seems to be centered at the moment. I am going to live for today and see what happens. Shanda, you didn't pass over in vain as you are now helping others. Thank You, Shanda xoxo
Hello, My name is Kyrsten and I am 14. I was very close to Shanda when she passed away. Ever since she passed away i have been studying the disease. I have learned so much and how deadly this disease is. It hurts me so much knowing how much pain she went through. I know now how terrible the disease is and I hope that if you are visiting this website and you know someone with this problem you will find away to help them please! I don't want you to go through what i had to go through! If you have this Disease you can always talk to someone and go to a clinic to get help. It would be the best thing you could do.
I love you Aunt Shanda and I miss u !! Love always Kyrsten
Kyrsten &
Thomas
and and will always be near
you.....
I would just like to say you have done a great job with this site. My heart goes out to you. I struggle with my weight constantly. I was anorexic for some time, well until I became pregnant. To tell you the truth I was looking for web sites that give you ideas on how not to eat and then I stumbled across your site. tears were poring down my face as I read. I fell it was a answer from god.
Thank you so much for having this site. It has really changed how I see myself. God Bless. Kristi from Oregon
Your website is very touching to a lot of anorexia people and to tell them to get help and make them think about what might happen tomorrow and to make sure that their loved ones might not be here tomorrow and love and cherish the moments you get with them.
Hi: I think your website is very touching and I'm sorry for Shanda even though I didn't know her I can tell by her web that she was a very caring person to every one she knew and I thank you for putting up this website for all the loved anorexic people who may not be here tomorrow or is trying to get help but just cant do it . You are very good people for doing this for other people, Love, Kelsey
Dear Button: Christmas eve is once again here and the lights are shinning. Something happened to the lights on your little angel - but it is out there in front where it always is. You know how much you are missed by Eddie, Mom, Theresa, Colleene, Kyrsten, Thomas and yours truly. I come out here and just look at you and do cry as I can no longer hug you. One day - maybe soon, I will get that chance. Love and Miss you deeply, Dad
I am so sorry to hear your sad sad story. This site has opened my eyes.
Hi, My name is Riley and I was just doing a school project an anorexia and I would just like to say that this is one of the most touching web sites I have ever been to it, really shows you what happens to people with this disease. I am so sorry for your loss and Shanda, I send u blessings and Shandas family, I send u blessings as well all the best , Riley
Hello all, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Grandfather last year, and although that isn't a daughter or sibling, that still hurts a lot. I think this website is wonderful, a good message to sufferers to get help in a positive way. All my love, Nina
Ps: If you are suffering from anorexia, your first instinct is to not listen to advice, it's really hard. Families of suffers cannot be deterred by their stubbornness', the messages here are a clear sign, these people want help. Good luck to everyone.
Hi, this is an amazing website and every time I come to it I cry. Shanda seemed like such a wonderful person. I really encourage people to seek help if you have an eating disorder. Recently a friend of the family had the courage to enter herself in a hospital treatment center, she has been suffering with anorexia for 10 years. I give my blessings to Shanda and her extraordinary family. I wish you guys all the best in the future. You are in my thoughts and prayers every day.
What a truly wonderful site. I had tears in my eyes just reading the little comments and things you put about the doggie chasing your kitty under the clouds.
This website its amazing!! my name is Linda and I come from Germany. I have Bulimia and Anorexia for 4 years and it makes me so sad to read this very sadly side:( I have water in the eyes.. in love Linda
Hi, I am a 23 year old women from England, i have been appalled by this new fad known as Pro Ana, I myself have never suffered an eating disorder (thank god) but I have loved and lost many people in my life, I think you are a very brave and loving family, who have put their tragedy on a site in hope to save others from the loss they have suffered, and for that I commend you, I hope that your suffering is eased in the knowledge that you have helped save lives around the world, you truly are saints in a very cruel world, your site is touching to my core and I know if I ever meet or know of anyone with anorexia or bulimia I will direct them to this site for it is so heart felt I'm sure it will change their ways. I am only sorry that you had to lose your daughter for this site to exist, Yours Angel Fire of the UK x
I recently watched a TV program on anorexia and saw how young girls thought they were over weight and took drastic measures when really they had a lovely figure which didn't need changing, I don't really know much about anorexia and I am neither for or against it, I can see that you will be an inspiration to many young people out there, and maybe people can learn from something as tragic as this. I am a young teenager myself and I'm sure you have inspired a lot of other young people like me. Sorry for your tragic loss, Liz
This site is amazing I hope it gives all people suffering with an eating disorder the will to fight even though it wont bring back Shanda it could help others. LoTs of LoVe Rachael x x x
Hey, my name is Harriet and I think this site is great and a inspiration to every one who comes on here , I myself am over weight and am trying to loose some, But I wouldn't go to the extreme of becoming anorexic. Keep up the good work .. and I am sorry for the loss of your great daughter , you'll see her again one day! .. god bless xx
wow...this is so incredibly touching and tragic...and the music makes me cry, but it's so appropriate. I'm 20 and went into the hospital for my ED a year and a half ago. that made an incredible difference for me, though it was only the beginning of a long road to recovery that I'm still on...but I'm doing significantly better than I was. and this website and Shanda's story gives me inspiration and a reason to keep going when I feel like i want to give up and go back to my eating disorder. I suffered with anorexia with purging for about 6 or 7 years...but now, I'm getting my life back. and I thank God for that, and for all of the people who have supported me along the way. I feel like there is nothing I can say that can possibly express how sorry I feel for your loss...I see stories like Shanda's and it strikes me so deeply and personally because it could have been me, too. I wish you all the best in your lives and my deepest sympathies...
I do not know you, but I love you for this. My best friend is suffering with ED. I am a recovering alcoholic. I am 39 and your site makes me want to live and help my friend live. We do not know how to take care of ourselves. We are slowly learning. I can see your love for Shanda and know my family loves me like this too. Thanks and Shanda and I share a birthday. Stacy
I would like to see more pictures. I have a relative that is 7yrs old and she never likes to eat. She will eat (pizza). Then out of the blue the next time says that she doesn't like it and her stomach hurts and she doesn't feel good when she eats. It is the same no matter what she eats, so I am concerned she is on a slippery slope.
[Please go to the help clouds - click here - there are all kinds of help available online.]
Your site is absolutely heartbreaking. I hope it will make people think so this beautiful woman didn't die in vain. Much love to all.
I think your web site is beautiful and I feel sorry for you. It is truly sad what happened, Your Friend
I have been reduced to tears by reading this site. Its beautiful. In fact so beautiful it makes me wonder whether starving myself is the right thing to do. After reading through the clouds, I've started to see that maybe what I'm doing isn't good. Perhaps I should stop before I break anyone's heart, just like shanda did.
Thank You for inspiring me to live a normal life again.
Regards, Rachael, 15, England
This site is amazing and it is sure to turn others from the horrible disease of E.D. I am new to E.D and it is not as easy as many people think. If you have a friend that you know suffers from E.D.; Run, Run to get them help as fast as you can, its no fun, believe me it is no fun!!!...
Shannie, Nassau Bahamas
I think it is so sweet ! I struggle daily with my weight and now see maybe it is not so important! I got to this site from a pro anorexia Google search! I hate the pain you all must have endured. My blessing go to all of you!
I am glad to see some sites that help people with this illness, God bless all of you!
Date: 26 Feb 2006
Time: 07:12:41
Comment:
I'm so sorry this had to happen to her. but i still want to be thin again. I don't believe that I'm good enough just being myself. I'm sure she was, but I'm not. I want to be so skinny that I rot from view. I wouldn't mind dying to be cremated. My sympathies to all who either suffer from or have a family member who suffer from an eating disorder. But I still want to go back being Anorexic. I'm what one might consider "normal weight" now, but I'm still eating disordered and unhappy. I would much rather be thin and unhappy, than the way I am now. I am so sorry.
[I truly hope you get help. Please send me your email address]
Date: 01 Mar 2006
Time: 17:37:37
Comment:
I’ve been anorexic for three long hard years now. I read your website and I am surprised to say, it was the first time I cried. I have kept my emotions in for a long time now and refuse to let out to friends, family and even social workers who try to get me better. I have refused all treatment since it started two years ago. Your website has motivated me to from now on, at least try!
If I get better I owe my life to you. Thank you!
[Thank you for finding Shanda's Clouds - I know she does not want you to join her - so please open up to you family and especially your social workers - they want to help you...Please stop back and tell us how you are progressing ]
Date: 03 Mar 2006
Time: 03:41:53
Comment:
Beautiful site, I am a recovering anorexic and have come so close to death to many times. I'm in tears writing this. May Shanda rest in heavenly peace. mucho amour
[I am happy to know that you are recovering from this disease. Like Shanda - many do not..]
Date: 03 Mar 2006
Time: 15:04:16
Comment:
Thank you for putting together this site. So many of those struggling and dying with eating disorders will never be remembered as well as this. I hope that those who have had loved ones die as a result of an eating disorder may find solace here, and that those who choose to ignore the eating disorders of their loved ones may find here the strength to intervene before it is too late.
[Thank you for visiting Shanda's Clouds, I put this together to be able to see her each day, and to help other know just how deadly this disease really is.]
Date: 04 Mar 2006
Time: 17:06:10
Comment:
Your website is an inspiration.
Date: 07 Mar 2006
Time: 07:59:41
Comment:
Hey, my name's Melissa. I don't have an eating disorder of any kind, but my senior English class was assigned to do research papers over a controversial issue, and one of my classmates chose anorexia/bulimia. When I heard that she was for eating disorders and saw nothing wrong with them, I was a little surprised. I don't know what she thinks of it now, since it's been about two weeks since we handed our papers in, but I hope that when she saw web pages like these she may have changed her mind. I feel for your family, even though it's been a few years since Shanda passed away.
Hopefully this website and others will open the eyes of those who are suffering.
Date: 10 March, 2006
Time: 11:28:25 PM
Comment;
This is a truly beautiful thing. I am not a sufferer but now I know where to direct people too. Gracias.
Date: 11 Mar 2006
Time: 16:21:34
Comment:
Hey girl....Coming to c U next weekend! Girls road trip. Just like Old TIMES! Miss you!!
Love Colleenie
Date: 20 Mar 2006
Time: 22:54:05
Comment:
I love your website and i think your story was really good, it touched me and I just wanted to thank you for making me realize how serious anorexia could be.
Date: 21 March, 2006
Time: 08:50:10 AM
I think what you have done is wonderful. Unfortunately my best friend was anorexic and had depression etc too, and I am devastated to say that she took her own life, so I too will never get to hug her again. I just wish there were more sites like this. My prayers go out to you. love Kim xxx
Date: 23 Mar 2006
Time: 17:27:10
Comment:
Hello my name is Alexis. I too suffer from anorexia and have been for about 10 years and so it continues. I thought it was just a phase I was going thru but here I am at 21 and still I still see a fat and ugly girl when I look in to the mirror. Everyone tells me that I'm skinny and gorgeous but do I believe what they say or do I go with what I see in the mirror? I don't understand why? People tell my the most beautiful things about me and I would give the world if I could see the beauty that they all see in me. I'm really scared, just they other day I collapsed at work and had to be taken to the hospital. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm just afraid of not being with the people I love. I hate seeing my husband so sad and lost. Everyone is worried about me and although I know what I'm doing to my self I just can't stop. I love your website, although it made me realize that I'm killing my self slowly I still refuse to see the truth. This is to my wonderful and loving husband, you are my best friend, guardian angel and soul mate. I just want you to know this in case I ever leave your arms for good. I love you more than life it's self and more than you'll ever know. I thank you for everything you have done for me and for putting up with me even when I let you down. You are my smile and my everything and I'm sorry for all of the hurt I have caused to my self and to you as well. I love you and hope that this will not be my last words.
Date: 28 March, 2006
Time: 12:03:54 PM
Comments:
I have looked at this site a couple times a month for the last 3 years in hope that I will never let this happen to me. There have been many times I have wanted to give into this disease, but then I remember what I would lose. I am happy to say that I have not relapsed for almost one year. I am only 16, and I want to live long enough to know that this site helped me survive something many don't.
Thank you Shanda,
Alyssa
Date: 11 April, 2006
Time: 02:57:16 PM
Hello your site is fab, it touched my heart and made me shed a tear.
Date: 14 April, 2006
Time: 12:19:30 PM
Hi I'm Emma I'm 16 at the moment... I'm not anorexic but recently its all i can think about, making a change to my body. I weigh 130 punds and I hate it, but this site has shown me that being a skeletal is not good and seriously dangerous. Thank you for enlightening me. Shanda's peaceful now, she isn't going through any more pain. Her family is truly magnificent...truly admirable God Bless
Date: 15 April, 2006
Time: 09:36:32 PM
I love your website. it is very sad yet inspirational. It sort of makes me realize the reality of living with this horrible eating disorder and how it truly can disrupt your whole life. Trying to get better, ~Michaela
Date: 17 April, 2006
Time: 02:24:05 AM
Hi, my name is Ashley and I have been suffering from anorexia for the past year. I really do appreciate your time making this site! God Bless - Love Ashley xoxoxo
Date: 21 April, 2006
Time: 07:10:53 PM
Comment:
I am very sorry for your loss, I don't want that to happen to me, this has really made me think. Beautiful tribute to your loved one.
Date: 28 April, 2006
Time: 08:35:32 AM
I really think it was good. Why? Because I wanted to be anorexic. When you see girls with the "Perfect Bodies" and getting all the boys you feel some kind of way. I still am trying to find out who I am. Thank you.
Date: 28 April, 2006
Time: 03:03:15 PM
Comment:
This site is awesome. Your site is really nice! I really enjoy your site! Just cool site! No any words else to say...
Date: 04 May, 2006
Time: 06:16:20 AM
You shall always be in my thoughts and I hope I have the courage to defeat my anorexia. I am only 17 and have had anorexia before when I was 14; a guy recently broke up with me and I have not been able to cope. I feel alone and lost, the only control or comfort I have in this world is to control myself. I want help but I am afraid I will become fat; I am 100lbs my goal was 92lbs now after reading the info on your site I am re-thinking my goals but I am afraid to be 115lbs again. Everyone seems to envy my body I don't know what to do but you're site has been helpful who knows what I will do but I hope Shanda is forever happy. Love Aydin
Date: 10 May, 2006
Time: 02:04:00 PM
I am still here, still fighting after a stint in hospital. I wanted you to know that I am still coming to your site regularly and reading the positive effect it has on people. StickThin.
[Hi Stick Thin - and I hope you do not use that as a nick name with everyone else. I know Shanda is really happy that you are getting the help she should have had. It is a daily fight not to fall back into the "Got to be thin to be in" mind set. Just love life and each day God gives you. That is all any of use have. Love & A Big Hug, Georgia]
Date: 23 May, 2006
Time: 07:34:11 AM
Comment:
This is a beautiful site, and you're all inspirations, she was lucky to have such a wonderful caring family, you're all truly amazing! xxx Love Laura- London, England
Date: 02 June, 2006
Time: 07:50:26 AM
Comment:
Oooh. I feel bad with Shanda's family&friends. I'm sorry. When I saw this beautiful site, I cried. A year ago, I thought that every girl have to be thin and beautiful. But now I know, that isn't true. Thank you. & lots of hugs
Date: 25 June, 2006
Time: 11:49:46 PM
HI... I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW YOUR WEBSITE IS VERY INSPIRING AND BEAUTIFUL...THOUGH I HAVE SEEN THE PICTURES MANY TIMES, I STILL GO THROUGH AND LOOK AT THEM...THOUGH WE MISS OUR LOVED ONES AND WISH THEY WERE HERE WITH US, WE MUST REMEMBER THAT CHRIST WAS ALSO ON THIS EARTH AND DIED, AND WE KNOW HE IS IN A BETTER PLACE. AND WE KNOW WE WILL SEE HIM AGAIN ONE DAY... THIS IS THE SAME WAY WITH OUR LOVED ONES. EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T KNOW SHANDA, I READ HER STORY AND LOOKED AT HER PICTURES, NOT WITH SADNESS BUT WITH JOY, CAUSE I KNOW THERE IS PEACE FOR HER, AND HER SPIRIT IS STILL WITH THOSE SHE LOVED THE MOST. AND I KNOW SHE IS SMILING KNOWING HER LOVED ONES ARE HELPING OTHERS. AND I KNOW SHE DOESN'T WANT HER STORY OR PICTURES TO BRING SADNESS, BUT JOY. AND THAT'S WHAT I FEEL WHEN I LOOK UPON THIS SITE. THOUGH THE REASON FOR THIS SITE IS SAD, THE OUTCOME IS BEAUTIFUL. PLEASE CONTINUE TO UPDATE THIS WEBSITE WITH JOY AND HOPE, JOY THAT YOU KNOW SHANDA IS IN PEACE, AND HOPE THAT OTHERS WILL LOOK AT THIS SITE AND HEAL. CHRIS, WICHITA KANSAS
Date: 30 June, 2006
Time: 02:50:21 PM
Comment:
This is a very sad and touching story. I am so sorry for your loss. I think that every young girl should read this. You guys have did a great job with this site!
Date: 30 June, 2006
Time: 03:40:17 PM
Comment:
It's amazing I truly want help now! to get better!
Date: 4 July, 2006
Time: 09:00:00 PM
Comment:
It was 7 years ago tonight at 9pm that I was last able to hug & kiss you Daughter and say I Love You; oh how I miss being able to do that. You are dearly missed by all that knew you. One day - I will be able to hug you again.
Love & A Hug, Dad
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Visitors since July 28, 2003
